Broadcast Retirement Network’s Jeffrey Snyder discusses whether couples co-mingle their savings account with Bankrate’s Ted Rossman.

Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network

Ted, it’s always great to see you. Thanks for joining us on the program this morning.

Thanks for having me. And let me just be the first to say, happy Valentine’s Day. Will you be my Valentine?

Ted Rossman, Bankrate

Yes, happy Valentine’s Day. I feel like this is a somewhat unromantic take on money here, is how people are doing with managing money with their spouse.

Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network

Let’s talk about that because I think Bankrate has some interesting findings on a recent survey. Not all couples intertwine their account balances. I think maybe that’s the day and age that we live in today, Ted.

Ted Rossman, Bankrate

There are some changing trends, for sure. We did a recent study. We found that about half of Americans say that they don’t know everything about their spouse’s finances.

That suggests some potential issues with respect to financial infidelity, maybe secret spending, secret debt. When it comes to how people manage their money, it’s very split. We see about one in four couples keep their money completely separate.

And then we see a little over a third combining everything. And then we see a little over a third doing this kind of hybrid thing. And it’s yours, mine, and ours.

You have some joint money. You have some separate money. I actually think that this can be a healthy way to manage money, as long as you disclose the parameters.

I don’t want the secrets. But a lot of times people feel resentful if the other person’s looking over their shoulder and criticizing their spending. If you and your spouse each carve a little bit of money out every month with permission, that’s yours and yours alone, and you can spend as you wish, that actually is an increasingly popular strategy.

Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network

So what do you think the rationale behind, is it a lack of trust? Is it the desire to just keep it all for yourself? Is it the lack of trust in marriage?

Because I think marriages typically end in divorce for at least 50% of them. So what’s behind this trend? Or is it just a lack of education?

Ted Rossman, Bankrate

Money is sadly a leading contributor to divorce. We do need to get better about talking about money. One way that you can manage money better is to communicate, to have some money that you can call your own.

We could point to some broader trends here. People are getting married later. They’re more likely to have their own income.

You don’t have to combine everything. That’s starting to feel like a bit of a more dated way of doing things. I mean, hey, if that works for you, that’s fine.

But that’s more common among boomers and older generations. Gen Zers are the most likely to keep their money completely separate. Now we’ll see if that lasts as they get older.

A lot of millennials and Gen Xers are doing the hybrid thing where they have some joint money for joint expenses and then they also have some that’s theirs and theirs alone. I do think there’s a lot to like about that strategy because you do feel like you have a little more independence. Sometimes people complain that they don’t like their spouse criticizing their video game hobby or that they like to buy shoes or they like to do sports betting or they go out with their friends or even buying gifts.

I mean, sometimes that’s impractical if you’re sharing an account and it takes the surprise out of it. I do think the fact that people are coming into a relationship with their own salary, more years living independently. It’s not like people are getting married at 21 and immediately going to the joint checking account right now.

I mean, a lot of times we’re talking about people in their 30s that have been doing it their own way for a while. That’s fine as long as you talk about it. That’s the big thing is just communicate, figure out what works for you.

Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network

I think that’s sage advice, especially maybe over Valentine’s Day dinner or chocolate. I mean, that’s a perfect or date conversation. You brought up debt and we’ve routinely talked to you and Bankrate about managing your debt.

I know that different states have different rules around debt. So for example, I live in the state of North Carolina. My wife’s debt is my debt.

Now, I’m not saying she has debt, but I’m saying if my wife had debt and something were to happen, that’s cumulative. Whereas maybe in Maryland, my former state where I was born and raised, that’s separate and distinct. So where you live, where you reside may have an impact on how debt is managed.

But for a couple, that’s probably why you want to have a conversation.

Ted Rossman, Bankrate

It’s a good point. Especially community property states, there’s more joint. Even if you don’t truly have a joint account, you may legally be intertwined.

I would really argue that all couples are intertwined in many respects. Even if you decide to keep some or all of your money separate, you have a lot of joint accounts or joint obligations at least, whether or not you truly have a joint account. You have goals too.

That’s an important way to reframe this process, I would say. Sometimes people feel like, I don’t want to set a budget because that’s just annoying, right? It’s a way to say no to everything.

We can’t buy this. We can’t buy that. Try to reframe all this in the positive, as in, what do we want to achieve with money?

Do we want to buy a house in the next few years? Do we want to get out of debt, help our kids go to college, retire early, whatever it is? I do feel like if you and your spouse can talk more about, how do we get there?

How do we pull in the same direction? I love the idea of setting up a money date, maybe once a month. You pour your favorite beverage.

You set a timer for 15 minutes. It doesn’t have to be overly formal. In fact, take some of the barriers to entry out of it.

Make it easy. Make it a 15 minute conversation. It should get easier over time.

We don’t have to combine everything, but we do need to communicate.

Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network

So do you think that the dating apps like Rumble and the others will add a financial wellness tab where you swipe left or right? I’m just kind of joshing here. But in all seriousness, when do you have this conversation in the dating process?

I mean, you and I are both committed to others. So we’re taken. Sorry, audience.

But in all seriousness, when do you broach this conversation? Is it when you get serious with somebody? You probably want to have this conversation sooner rather than later to make sure that your values are aligned.

Ted Rossman, Bankrate

I agree. And that’s something that Gen Zers are changing as well. They’re talking about money earlier in relationships.

Across the board, people don’t really view this as a first or second date conversation. But increasingly, this is something that people are talking about after a few dates or maybe after a few months, certainly well before marriage, well before moving in together. Gen Zers are also more likely to talk to coworkers about how much they make.

And some of that is the social media, share everything generation. Some of it, though, is trying to combat stereotypes like the gender pay gap. If we don’t talk about it, we don’t really know that it’s a problem.

So I do feel like Gen Zers are challenging some of these norms. I like that they’re more interested in having the conversation. So not that you need to ask someone their salary or their credit score on the first date, but after a few months of dating, you should probably at least share some general parameters about lifestyle, whether that’s setting expectations for vacations and entertainment and other things, or let’s face it, a lot of people in the dating pool have a lot of student debt.

That is holding people back from traditional milestones like home ownership and marriage and having kids. And a lot of this stuff is intertwined. So it does make sense to talk about at least some general parameters sooner rather than later, I would say, to ensure compatibility, but also just to acknowledge where you are.

And the secrets are the worst. I mean, even if it’s unpleasant, even if you have a lot of debt or you’ve overspent in the past, it’s better to come clean sooner rather than later.

Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network

Yeah, you can’t have a good relationship that’s not based on trust. But geez, I feel like Dr. Ruth or something. Ted, it’s always great to see you.

Wishing you a very happy Valentine’s Day with your spouse and your children. And we look forward to having you back on the program again very soon, my friend.

Ted Rossman, Bankrate

Thanks so much. You too, looking forward to it.