After spending weeks choosing a gift and carefully planning the moment, some gift-givers find themselves facing an unexpected reaction when their partner opens the box.
The silent hesitation, the forced smile, the “Oh, this is beautiful” that sounds nothing like someone who actually loves what they’re holding.
Kevin O’Leary, the “Shark Tank” investor and founder of O’Leary Ventures, says that moment isn’t just awkward; it is a sign that couples are not being honest enough about money, MoneyWise reported.
In a recent social media post, O’Leary called the expensive surprise gift “a huge mistake” and said the real problem is not what was bought, but the decision-making process behind it.
One partner made a major financial decision without the other’s input, which is exactly the pattern he argues leads to serious trouble in marriages.
O’Leary says partners need to plan major gifts jointly
The pitch for the grand gesture shows that you thought about your partner, went out of your way, and wanted to make an impression. O’Leary’s counterargument is that it does the opposite.
“The worst thing you can do is spend a whole bunch of money and come out of there, open up the box and say, look at this, honey, I bought this for you,” O’Leary said, according to MoneyWise. “And they go, ‘I hate it.'”
He advocates treating major gift purchases as joint decisions, arguing that doing so can eliminate uncertainty and ensure both partners are comfortable with the expense. As he put it, “the surprise to the downside really sucks.”
A surprise purchase of any size, whether a watch or a diamond necklace, is a unilateral spending decision that excludes the other person from a choice that affects both of them, according to his explanation.
Research confirms that unilateral spending damages relationships
A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships analyzed Reddit posts and survey data from married couples to identify the most damaging financial conflict patterns.
Researchers found that one-sided spending decisions, including purchases made without a partner’s knowledge, was identified among the top corrosive themes in relationship conflict.
Critically, the data showed couples fighting specifically over partners spending too much on gifts.
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“Their partners likely had good intentions,” said Johanna Peetz, psychology professor at Carleton University and the study’s lead author, in remarks reported by PsyPost. “But it still contributed to unhappiness.”
A 2025 survey of 2,000 Americans by Talker Research on behalf of Wise found that couples have an average of 58 money-related arguments per year, with 32% saying they feel uncomfortable discussing finances with their partner.
A WalletHub Money and Relationships Survey found that 73% of Americans consider financial disagreements more damaging to a relationship than political ones. More than one in four Americans also reported having a financial account that their partner does not know about.
Research shows that unilateral spending and hidden purchases drive financial conflict in relationships.
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O’Leary believes money is real threat to marriage
The gift warning is part of O’Leary’s long-standing argument that couples often make costly mistakes when managing finances together.
Earlier in 2026, O’Leary posted a video identifying uncontrolled spending as the single biggest financial threat to a marriage, a danger he ranked above job loss, bad investments, or market crashes, Benzinga reported.
Personal finance expert Suze Ormantold CNBC that couples who cannot openly discuss money before marriage are setting themselves up for failure.
If you cannot talk money to the person that you are about to marry, you are doomed for failure because money is going to run through your relationship more than anything else.
O’Leary told Moneywise that merging finances in marriage is “the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard,” arguing that partners should maintain separate accounts and individual financial identities and that each person’s savings, investments, and credit rating should remain in their name.
In a video posted to X (the former Twitter) on March 11, 2026, O’Leary applied the same logic to expensive weddings, arguing that money spent on a single-day spectacle would be better directed toward a shared financial foundation.
The alternative O’Leary recommends for couples
O’Leary argues that while surprise gifts can be meaningful, the financial commitments behind them should not come as a surprise to a partner.
When two people shop together for something meaningful, O’Leary argues, both partners confirm the value of the purchase before committing to it.
By doing that, the experience itself becomes the gift, and neither partner is left managing an expensive return or a purchase they didn’t want.
Western & Southern Financial Group’s 2025 “Money Talks Couples Can’t Afford to Skip” survey found that irresponsible spending was the top dealbreaker for 41% of respondents when evaluating a romantic partner.
A splurge made together, with shared intent and a confirmed budget, is a very different thing from one made unilaterally and sprung on a partner after the fact.
O’Leary’s argument is that the second version, however well-intentioned, is a financial risk disguised as a romantic gesture, and that couples who treat it otherwise are setting themselves up for a conversation they did not plan to have.