Broadcast Retirement Network’s Jeffrey Snyder discusses how to plan your divorce with Jacobson Media Group’s Alex Jacobson.
Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
Alex, so great to see you again, thanks for joining us this morning.
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
Thank you for having me.
Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
Alex, the last time we had you on the program was back in January, and that was the, I guess the pivotal month for divorce. Divorce equates with January, I think, because of the holiday season. How are things going?
What are some of the latest trends when it comes to divorce? Are things percolating as much as they were back in December and January?
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
Well, so divorces are still happening, that’s the latest trend. And there definitely is a spike in January, we see that pretty much every year. And as far as trends go, I don’t know if it’s trendy or not, but I think that more frequently now than ever, people are resorting to collaborative ways to get their divorces done, whether that be by way of mediation, or technically collaborative, the collaborative process.
It’s just very much more en vogue to do your divorce process that way, as opposed to litigation.
Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
So it’s not as cantankerous and contentious as it has been, you know, when I think of divorce, I think of War of the Roses with Michael Douglas, and I forget who else was in that, but they got divorced, and they couldn’t split it up. It’s not like that. It’s about a partnership to just wrap things up and move on.
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
Yes, and no, it is still very high conflict. However, it’s people recognizing that the stress and conflict and costs of litigation really don’t necessarily result in a win for anybody. So unless you’re looking to extract a pound of flesh from your spouse, doing it in a way that is more collaborative, more amicable, and keeping the process more streamlined seems to be more productive, and people are more inclined to do the process that way.
Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
And does having children, whether they’re younger, a little bit older, or even adult children, does that change the perspective of those going through this process?
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
Yes and no. I mean, I think that people who have kids are actually more inclined to resort to mediation for the simple fact that they want to keep their kids out of the process by all means necessary. So once you’re involved in litigation involving children, more often than not, a guardian is getting appointed to represent them.
That’s yet another retainer to be paid. And your kids are going to be involved in the process, interviewed by a guardian. And most people are of the mind, even if they can’t agree on the day of the week, they do agree that they don’t want their kids engaged in this process and try to keep things as normal as possible for their kids.
Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
Yeah, I mean, it’s not a good look for the kids. I think if you see your parents squabbling, it probably is going to affect you down the line later in your life, in your own relationships, I would imagine. Certainly.
Yeah. Is there a sense, and I want to go to successes, because I think that’s something you and I have not talked about a lot. But before we do that, are there certain parts of the population that are going through more divorces than others?
That may sound like a weird question, but you hear a lot about the gray divorce. But how does it fall demographically?
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
I’m not seeing much trending in one particular group of people. I think when times are good and people are gainfully employed and earning a lot of money, that is a cause for divorce. And I think when times are challenging and people are not employed and money is tight, those are times where people get divorced.
So there’s really no rhyme or reason. I think that financial constraints can often speed up a process that otherwise wasn’t good to begin with. But I think it’s just generally staying the course of the numbers of divorces that are happening.
Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
Yeah. I certainly think that, anecdotally, there’s a lot going on. I mean, you talk to people, there’s affordability, you see gas prices going up, food prices.
It just makes you tighten. It makes all of us tighten up. I can see where the level of stress has come.
All right. Let’s talk. Go ahead.
I’m finished. No, certainly. Go ahead.
Yeah. I was going to ask you, I want to talk about success because obviously you’ve done not just success for Alex Jacobson, but success going through the divorce process. What does it look like?
Because again, people who have not gone through this think it’s going to be cantankerous. Even if you agree, you’re going to be arguing over the airline miles, the house, the kids, all that kind of stuff. What does a successful divorce look like in your eyes as someone who has facilitated many, has mediated many of these?
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
I think I touched on it briefly, but number one, your kids are kept out of the process. Again, I think everybody can agree that keeping things as normal for children as they move through this transition and as supported as possible for them is a good thing. To me, that’s number one key for success.
Number two key for success is doing as much as you can to maintain the marital estate and not deplete it by way of attorney’s fees and unnecessary costs associated with litigation. I think number three is keeping the process efficient, both from a time perspective and a cost perspective. You want to be able to move through this process.
It’s a challenging time, challenging issues in a way that gets you to the other side in the most efficient way possible.
Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
Are there any things you can do, let’s just say one side, one party of the unit wants to slow roll things for whatever reason. Are there ways, I mean, that can put a dent in everything we’re talking about, the efficiency. Are there any things you can do to kind of speed those things up?
Do you broach that person? I mean, how do you try to come to an agreement to just continue to move forward? And everyone knows you’re doing this, right?
You’re splitting apart. Ultimately, that’s the end game. Is there anything you do when one party wants to slow roll this?
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
Well, I think number one, unfortunately, if you could have reached an agreement over the kitchen table, you probably would have done that before you involved professionals and slowed the process. So having a direct conversation is probably not going to be the most productive approach. Involving a third party, a mediator to help you work through the conversation can really be effective.
But the other thing is knowing what you can control and making sure that you are focused on what is actually important, important for the long term, as opposed to squabbling over the small things can certainly help people move through the process. Because if your co-parent, if your spouse sees that you aren’t arguing over the small things, maybe he or she will be inclined to conduct themselves in the same way.
Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
And I would imagine this is where that team concept that you’re always talking about comes into play. You have your mediator, you have your attorney, you have your financial advisor. Hey, you might even have a psychologist or a psychiatrist on a retainer.
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
Absolutely. All of those people can help you keep things in line, keep things efficient and ideally keep things moving forward so you can get this process to a conclusion and move on to your next chapter.
Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
So important. You know, it just seems easy to us because we’re not involved, but you’re in the throes, you’re in the trenches. You know, emotions, Alex, they just start to take over.
I mean, how do you balance the emotions with the rational thinking, the critical thinking that is needed to make what are very important financial decisions?
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
I mean, I’m very frank in my approach in terms of, you know, what I think matters and what doesn’t matter. And I try to help people understand that. But at the end of the day, I’m not a mental health professional.
And so I do encourage people to make that mental health professional part of their team to help them through this very challenging time.
Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
Yeah, it is very challenging. But it seems like if people can just agree to go through the process, hey, you get there a lot faster than if one side kind of slow rolls it or it becomes contentious. Alex Jacobson, we’re going to have to leave it there.
Thanks so much for joining us. Always great to talk to you. And we look forward to having you back on the program again soon.
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
Thank you for having me.